I just thought I was stressed out. I mean, who ever wants to go anywhere with a very busy 2 year old and a nursing baby! I'd rather poke my eye out with a fork than take these two into a public place all by myself.
But, you say, your the mother of 8 kids!! How is taking only 2 of them anywhere so painful? Well, let me explain.
I was absolutely OVERWHELMED.
It's Halloween... no wait, it's Thanksgiving... no wait, it's Christmas...
WHAT?! When did all this happen?
You want how many cookies for your party?
Do you really think you need to dress up this year for Halloween?
You mean, I have to cook a meal for Thanksgiving?
Must I really go shopping for Christmas this year?
And I'm still expected to fulfill my callings in Church; babysit ADULTS (because heaven forbid I should be able to rely on anyone to, I don't know, DO THEIR JOB?) in scouts; run my 'temporary' scout den (for the last 2 years); run to every small podunk town in Montana for basketball games; cook edible food for my family; and who knew I was suppose to take a shower and get dressed everyday (don't all new Moms stink?); and all this while trying to maintain some semblance of a home with crazy teenagers, a wild two year old and a new baby...all on the bear minimum allowable sleep to sustain life.
Kinda makes you want to crawl in hole for a few months too, doesn't it?
Because of all of these stressers, and actually a lot more that I'll just keep to myself for now, I'm sure you could see why I would overlook the obvious. In my defense, I live in one of the most beautiful places on earth. However, there is a price to be paid because of it. In the 91 day span between November and January, we had a whooping 6 days of sunshine! I always get a little bit of the 'winter blues', so I just chalked it all up to the little things, completely ignoring the extreme decline in my physical, emotional, mental and spiritual health. In a nutshell...I was a complete mess!
So now that the realization of this has hit me, what exactly am I suppose to do about it? Even the thought of doing ANYTHING would send me into anxiety ridden tears. If fact, I had been close to tears every moment for the last 3 months.
Well, I have found a solution. It was very unexpected and not at all what I had envisioned as a "solution". I joined a weekly support group. The funny thing is, just the name alone would normally have turned me off because I would never have categorized myself with this bunch of people.
I joined an Addiction Recovery Program sponsored through my Church. Basically, it's the 12 step program founded through Alcoholics Anonymous.
Now do you see why I questioned my involvement in this group? What could I, a church going-temple recommend holding-service oriented woman out to save the world, possibly be doing that could ever be considered an addiction? Well actually, a lot. A lot I never even knew or considered before. If you change the scary word of addiction to weakness, then I guess there is room for everyone in this group.
By the time I was in my 3rd week of attendance, I was feeling so much better! Better to the point that I could begin to face my weaknesses and finally acknowledge them.
What a needless burden I have been carrying. I'm beginning to see the woman I once knew emerging from the shadows. I've learned so much about myself in just one short month, that the prospect of having some changes occurring in my life is actually pretty exciting.
It's going to take a lot of work. More work than I'll even want to devote to it somedays, but I am up for the challenge.
Because ultimately, what have I got to lose??? :)
Well, I have found a solution. It was very unexpected and not at all what I had envisioned as a "solution". I joined a weekly support group. The funny thing is, just the name alone would normally have turned me off because I would never have categorized myself with this bunch of people.
I joined an Addiction Recovery Program sponsored through my Church. Basically, it's the 12 step program founded through Alcoholics Anonymous.
Now do you see why I questioned my involvement in this group? What could I, a church going-temple recommend holding-service oriented woman out to save the world, possibly be doing that could ever be considered an addiction? Well actually, a lot. A lot I never even knew or considered before. If you change the scary word of addiction to weakness, then I guess there is room for everyone in this group.
By the time I was in my 3rd week of attendance, I was feeling so much better! Better to the point that I could begin to face my weaknesses and finally acknowledge them.
What a needless burden I have been carrying. I'm beginning to see the woman I once knew emerging from the shadows. I've learned so much about myself in just one short month, that the prospect of having some changes occurring in my life is actually pretty exciting.
It's going to take a lot of work. More work than I'll even want to devote to it somedays, but I am up for the challenge.
Because ultimately, what have I got to lose??? :)
Very cool. I can't wait to read more. In fact, I am going to send this to a sister of mine:) who I think could benefit from your wisdom. Good Luck JuliAnne. Chantal
ReplyDeleteWe must have a gene that prevents us from knowing when we've crossed the line from being able to help ourselves, to needing help from others. Then again, maybe all women have it. Glad you're feeling better. I've considered going to the meetings as well--I've heard great things about them.
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ReplyDeleteThanks, Chantal. I wish your sister much healing.
ReplyDeleteI think you are right, Amanda. I think it is something most women struggle with. I think that if you decide to go to these classes, you'll really be glad you did. Accountability is a good thing, but the validation of my feelings was huge!! This also gave me some baby steps to work on to get my life back into balance. I guess I really just needed some direction.