Normally this is my favorite time of year. I have to hold myself back from turning on the Christmas music before Thanksgiving. I can't wait to make Christmas candy and put up all the decorations and advent calendars. (Yes, I have a different one for each child. My parents tradition.) Christmas shopping and taking drives to look at the lights...all things that make me happy. I redecorate the tree a thousand times because, even though my kids decorate it the first time around, everyone moves things around and lumps like things together. (You must know how nuts that makes me.)
This year, I have been so blessed. I have a 2 1/2 year old that loves all the Christmas 'pretties', a new baby, a wonderful family and great friends. So my questions is,
"What the heck is wrong with me?!"
I just can't seem to be able to pull myself out of this funk. I feel like I'm on the verge of tears all the time. I don't want to do anything or go anywhere! Usually giving service is what pulls me out, and you'd think at this time of year there would be no shortage of that, but I feel like I have NOTHING to give. If I could skip it all this year,I would. The realization of this makes me even more sad. I know I owe it my kids to try and make this special, but how can I do that when my heart isn't in it?
Perhaps Postpartum Depression has taken hold or maybe, I just need to get back on my meds. All I know is that I have to make this better.
So, I did some searching. If the Christmas Spirit can't find me, then I guess I'm just going to have to go and find it. I found a great site that had 12 days of Christmas Family Home Evenings.
I think I'm going to give it a go. I want so much to make this right, and I really feel like 12 days of Christmas is exactly what I need. (Ironically, that's all the time we have left!)
I'm usually the cheerleader for everyone else. I'm always trying to encourage and uplift others. I realize that I'm falling a bit short of the mark with this post, but I really feel that if I'm going to use this as a journal, I should probably just be honest. Not everyday is rainbows and roses. And who knows, maybe next year, I'll look back and chuckle at how poopy I thought life was being. So Merry Christmas!! I hope we all have great New Year!!
Aww, Mama... I feel ya! As another mom with a four month old and a 2.5 year old (and only one other much older)... I'm just so tired this year. My son (the oldest) was a July baby, but he was my first and I was 22 years old. Mad (the toddler) was 8 months at her first Christmas. Eight months meant cruising around and being well into a routine that included naps where I could put her down. We're just not there with Fynnie. I just know that things will get better. I hope your 12 Days of Christmas does the trick. If not, there's always next year (and not just Christmas... lots of opportunities to find the joy you normally have).
ReplyDeleteHang in there,
Shan :+)
Thank you, Shan! I was really having a pity party the last few days and just needed to get it off my chest. I'm sure my lack of sleep and my current life stresses have just built up. I'll somehow make myself be fine. So far, the 12 days of Christmas has made me smile and reminded me of what is really important. Time to start looking beyond the end of my own nose!!
ReplyDeleteOur toddlers are only a month apart! How fun! Now we have even more in common. What day was Fynnie born?
She was born on the 8th. I dropped in from the August BBC board.
ReplyDelete